Subject What the hell are you waiting for?
DateCreated 10/19/2006 9:11:00 PM
PostedDate 10/20/2006 6:10:00 AM

Have you ever felt like you were chasing your tail?  Like you knew exactly what you had to do, but the moment just never presented itself?  Or it did, and it wasn't quite the way you had expected it, so you don't act?  I love the advice of Jack Sparrow..."Waiting for the opportune moment"... *giggles*... and how exactly is one supposed to know when that is?

I'm finding myself a little bit like at the last juncture, when big changes took place here at Ante Rockstar.  I've come to a crossroads where choices must be made to pursue investment, or cut losses.  I'm usually all for throwing good money after bad, but in this case, as in the last, my heart is in it... and losing pieces of it all over the place isn't something I wanna do.  So far, they've not gotten too close to my heart.... I'd consider them family, if they considered me so.  I'm not family to them, that much is clear (at least, I'm not when they don't want me to be, when I'm buying beer, I'm mother of all the earth *giggles*).  And they say women are fickle.

Ya... I'm still a girl.  They're still guys.  I dunno... maybe never the twain shall meet, but I'll find out as soon as I start jamming with the one musician (Jake) who's agreed to accompany me.  I met his dad tonite, nice man.  They' own Mean Ax Music (, I highly recommend their site, very user friendly and informative).

I feel very much bottled up these days... so many days straight of singing to yourself is enough to drive someone wild I tell you.  That... and I've come to realize, that I now need an audience.  I crave it, like a bird in a cage longs for someone to sing to.  I'm so looking forward to having someone to play with, I can't even begin to tell you.  I watch the guys make music together and I'm so in love with watching them just... make music together.  I want that....

Oddly enough, back to the Fame episode I saw yesterday...  Just before her final performance for this part that Coco was getting lost in, she received some advice from one of her teachers, you know... the well thought out quotes they conveniently always have just before a pinnacle moment...  He told her that she would never get what she wanted until she stood up and asked for it.

I dunno, feels like I've asked for it... but there are some words that are harder to say, and some wishes that you're so afraid that you won't get them you don't dare ask directly, you hope someone asks you.

Kinda like when you'd walk up to that cute girl and ask her to dance, having already accepted that she'll say no, so that you can really soar when she says yes....

It's the falls though... and I dunno how many more falls I can take...  I'd rather just spend the night up against the wall waiting for someone to ask me to dance...  than have someone walk off half way through again