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Damn it feels good….

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas don’t start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin’ all his boys how he shot em
But real gangsta-ass niggas don’t flex nuts
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real gangsta ass niggas don’t sleep

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin’, koochy-eatin’ prankstas
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

— – Geto Boys

*****

So I dove right back into the pool that drove me here in the first place last night. I haven’t been to a show in over two months.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.

The last show I was at I had a guest with me, and I introduced the place as “my people”.

Last night at Drock nite I let loose that I consider these boys… MY boys.

It’s hard to convey what it’s like trying to love such a large group. If you look through my video you’ll come across quite a few faces. I’m a big one for faces, I love faces. You’ll also come across alot of music….

And now it’s starting to look like a story, and I love it. I’m not living it anymore, I’m writing it, and I know that I always have, and that everythings gone on for a reason.

All of these stories are created by the relationships that underline them. I’ve so many relationships here I don’t know what to do! Being the social animal that I am, I relish every one… or rather I can now, I used to feel so starved that I’d consume them upon sight.

There’s an easiness inside me that I can feel allows me to immerse myself without losing myself entirely. Last night I made sure to make eye contact with my boys as I filmed them… so I don’t forget what it is I’m doing there. No one smiles like Pelly.

I made sure to remember what’s important to them, it’s not just about what I wanna see, it’s about what they wanna show. They all were so awesome last night. A bar full of angels.

And it feels like a family. I got to meet Jackson’s mom yesterday which was awesome. She’s a pretty feisty lady, and stayed through BOTH his sets (he played sets with the Baker Muck Ratlers AND The Robots) then brought his drums home. I made sure she knew how incredibly talented her son is, and how much her efforts to support him will mean to his success. No wonder that kid has a sparkle in his eye… I believe I saw one in her eyes too. Hahahaha…. Jackson’s mom is his roadie…. *giggles*

And I believe there is one in mine. I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror as I was getting ready, and then Hell pointed it out at the bar. *BREATHES HEAVY SIGH OF RELIEF* I love being myself… when I am… myself.

And I can only be myself if my relationships are in order… and I’m so relieved that some that were defective are now running again. Everyone has relationships that support them, and I have back some pretty hefty legs to stand on. I’ve come to realize that even though my relationships go through upheaval, as Hell said yesterday “I never lose sight of the importance of the relationship”. Indeed.

I have a brother again, I have an audience again, and I’ve fallen in love with my boys again.

The bill was perfect, three bands… Baker Muck Ratlers, The Robots, and The Stables. I would go into a review of the whole she-bang, but that’s what I have a camera for, so you’ll have to wait for the video. Suffice it to say, the place was packed, rattled, rolled, and hummed.

Greatest part of the night? Got some footage that is to die for. Jayo on the fiddle with The Stables was a moment in time… and I discovered a new angle yesterday that I rather enjoyed, and some said it couldn’t be done…. HA. You can too have the audience ride the drum kit with you……

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