…But don’t die to be a celebrity – Kevin Bacon in Flatliners
Don’t worry, I’m not dying, nowhere near it.
Since I’ve been pursuing this project, there have been some pretty extreme changes in my life. I’ve encountered circumstances and situations that are new to me, and for which, although I’d fantasized about them many times, never had to face. Like I said in Episode II, fantasy is much different than reality.
The reality is I’m trying to achieve celebrity. I’m turning myself into a marketable commodity, one that will (or so the theory goes) command a large amount of attention (hopefully) from the general public.
I’m supposing I’ve been somewhat successful, as I’ve had an encounter with an audience member. A complete stranger, who knew who I was. To tell the truth… it was disturbing.
Disturbing because for the most part, strangers aren’t supposed to know more about you than you know about them. The scales in the equation are completely tipped, and it’s scary. If knowledge is power, then in that instance, I become completely powerless. It’s a very disturbing feeling, especially given the amount of flack I’m having to put up with. I probably came across as a cold bitch to this guy, unlike my normally warm and friendly self. I just gave him a polite greeting, and went and hid in a corner for the rest of the evening.
It’s hard to explain why I reacted that way… fear would be one reason (why does this person want to talk to me, and what do they want?). The introvert in me (yes, there is one) just came out with a vengeance, I suppose as some sort of defense mechanism, but… against what?
Why would the public at large want to do me harm? lol… if you’ve been reading the comments on my blog, you probably know that there are members of the public at large who want to do me harm. They pretend to know what I’m all about, what I’m trying to do, and are intent on stopping me. Some will even tell you it’s for my benefit. So they sit there tearing away at me, like a pack of daws.
And then there are those who simply want to offer encouragement, kudos, and show their admiration.
The problem is, you never know which one is hiding behind the face you’ve just met, the one who knows your name, but you don’t know theirs. Even bigger problem is…. you don’t know which one is hiding behind the face that calls itself friend.
Reposted from Livejournal