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Dreams to Shame

So we went out to the studio yesterday, and despite my successful (and confidence building) performance last week at the band shell, I wasn’t able to muster the courage to step up to the mike.  I’m not sure if it was because I was in a room full of people I’d met for the first time, or because the genre wasn’t one I was well practiced at, but I just couldn’t muster the courage to do it.

We’re going back next week, and I’m spending this week learning songs that the band can play so we can put me behind a mike.

I wish I could explain why it is I’m so afraid to open my mouth, surprisingly for me.  I’m renowned for my big mouth.  There is a confidence that comes from training that I just don’t have yet.  I’ve been singing in front of people a lot lately in order to get feedback on my progress, and I’m doing well.  I stay on key, I have tone, and I have breath… I CAN sing, I just can’t perform….

And so I wake up this morning to all the lovely hateful comments a bunch of cowards decided to put up on my blog this morning.   Petty little cowards, who not only don’t have the courage to name themselves, but go about berating me about things they have no knowledge of.  I might have a little more respect if they were at least attempting what I am, putting themselves out there, not hiding anything, but they can’t even tell you and me who they are, let alone share any details of THEIR pathetic lives.

I don’t mind getting constructive comments, hearing where I fall short, where I deliver, but the stuff written this morning was obviously just an attempt to undermine my confidence.  A confidence I’m already struggling with maintaining and building.  What heights of honor these people aspire to.

My apologies if I don’t accept my limitations and insist on pushing past them so I can be everything I *want* to be, and I don’t listen to anyone who tells me different.  I mentioned earlier in this blog how I wanted to perform again.  I enjoy performing, I enjoy the energy that is born when a person takes a stage and gives themselves entirely to an audience.  

Unfortunately, performing also comes with hecklers in the crowd.  Well, I may not have your appreciation, but I obviously have your attention.  And all your words do is strengthen my resolve.

“Took the insults and fed them to my ego and used them for fuel” – Wil Smith

Reposted from Livejournal

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