Christ almighty, I’ve never been so stressed out in my life….. I feel so powerless… and despite this feeling, somewhere inside me I know that I am not powerless, that I have all the power in the world…. I just don’t know how to use it.
I’m afraid, very afraid, to hurt anyone. To the point where I feel paralized, and spinning out of control at the same time. I hate that whenever I find clarity, those who would claim the higher ground insert themselves into the scene, and cloud me with doubt, and the most frustrating thing is… I let them.
I wish I could learn how to stop letting them… I can’t control their actions, and I’m afraid to take control of myself, for fear of what that might entail.
“always in motion the future is”
I might as well just jump I suppose….. and get this shit overwith. I’ve lived through shame, humiliation, failure, you name the hell. My teeth are like dust, and my head refuses to stop hurting.
My heart is broken….
I’ve placed my hope for the future in the hands of the past, and I’m taking it back now.