Skip to content

I am suffering…

I’m supposing I should write one of those new years type of posts, where I welcome it with open arms and excitement and joy, but frankly, my new years wasn’t much to speak of, so much so, that I’m almost not feeling like celebrating the new years I had planned for myself at Chicago’s tonite.

I dunno…. I’m just feeling quite shit. The rubber band has snapped again, and here I am back in the doldrums, doing things I enjoyed yesterday, but for some reason don’t today. I hate this teeter totter. It’s hard to keep your life on any kind of track when you’re up and down like this, and I believe we had a post like that from me just a week or so ago, so I’ll spare you all the experience.

Seems every time I poke my head out of my shell, my first instinct is to poke it back in again. I suppose its fright of some sort… god forbid should joy leave me, I’d rather have never known it at all… is it really better to have loved and lost? How would you know what you missed if you never had it in the first place? Does this not contradict ignorance is bliss?

Ya, I’m feeling rather philoshophic, haha… there’s a freudian slip. Philosophic is what I meant. I was told yesterday that talking to me is like talking to a dictionary (I’d add an encyclopedic one at that, but I don’t think I’m quite that vocabulous… or thick). Like… I don’t sound like a mother of four with a webshow that exactly 58 people watch.

To that I say fuck it, I am a mother of four with a webshow that exactly 58 people watch, and maybe that’s why I’m disappointed in the passage of the new year marker. I’m still a 58 people watching webshow producing mother of four…

The thing is though… maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow… but someday… and soon…

Meh…. I am what I am already. If I sound like a dictionary doing it… so be it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *