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What I mean…

Is the name of a poem, written a long time ago.

It was written by a man of few words.

Mean means alot of things, if you look it up in the dictionary, it could mean anything from “average, or normal” to “in a hateful mood”. If the word has one meaning it’s that the average is hateful. How sad to be average indeed.

Yesterdays weather was hardly average at all, and certainly hateful. I near froze my ears off walking to the grocery store.


Hard to keep your heart warm in that climate, but yesterday was a good day. I got the opportunity to go on a sunny road trip with my best friend and take a listen to the new Britney. I don’t know that that girl understands a thing she says/does… I mean… womanizer? have you figured out how to be a bigger woman yet Britney?

It seems to be the surest bet to be a bigger woman is to never ever put out…. the fire that is. We also talked about how disappointed we are in Madonna that her marriage came to an end. To anyone operating in society, it is a tremendous asset to have a companion (this works both ways, people have as hard a time trusting a single female, as they do a single male). That Madonna has failed to demonstrate a capability to sustain such a partnership I’m sure is personally devastating to her. You can forgive Sean, cause they were young, and Leon was obviously a sperm donor, but Guy was a choice, and I guess I just don’t understand why the woman couldn’t stick with her choice.

On the other hand, I got such a tremendous boost to my convictions yesterday night… Robert Smith has been doing alot of press (gee… come out of yer shell much?) and I got to listen to his interview on The New World Cafe…. THAT… was a shitload more impressive than the crap NME put out about them last month, what dross…lol…

My favorite part about the interview was Robert recounting his discussions with Bowie (an idol of his) about art. Bowie said that the market is what assigned value to an artist, and Robert contended (and still does) that an artist has an inherent value of his own… outside market forces…. AAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………….

How much of a man do you have to be to stand up to your idol and hold your ground?

“You have to believe in what you do, and think perhaps that if everyone hates it it doesn’t matter, otherwise…

That’s the idea behind being an artist” – Smith

I can’t say I’ve never changed my mind, but I can say that there are things I have always believed to be true, and held fast to. I have always believed in my value as a creator, and that has come from nowhere but me, and it is something I have protected in the face of enormous criticism, attack, and judgement, from sources near and far… including those inside myself.

I know now that I no longer need to protect it… not only is it obviously strong enough to withstand any weather life sees fit to throw at it, I now have the opinion of someone who’s always been there for me to validate it.

Robert mentioned that he does not think that WHAT The Cure has done has had an influence so much as HOW they’ve done it. I don’t know about that. I’d never really had a good grasp of HOW they’d done it until I attempted it for myself (and I’m still in the process, so I’m sure I’ve more to learn about the how’s).

I do know WHAT they’ve done….

They’ve created music. They took moments in time and expressed them. These words and melodies have created a soundtrack to my life which has influenced and inspired me to aspirations far grander than I would have had they not been there to blaze the trail for me. They have held me to standards higher than any other institution would have granted, and opened my mind to the possibility that not only does magic exist, but that I have it in me, and am able to wield it.

You’d wonder how they did all that.

And now they’re contemplating stopping all that.

Robert is turning 50 next year, and for some time now he’s said he doesn’t wear the aging rockstar hat well. I think he’s looking for a sunset to retire to so that he can leave the stage with the grace he came onto it with. With his pride intact.

But I doubt he’ll stop working…. there’s no keeping a good man down, and that man has too much good in him to stop.

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