I think I might kill myself.
Holy god, I don’t think I’ve ever been so miserable in a job. I became
so emotional this evening, I was actually near tears, and from that
point on in the night, proceeded to make every single person who’s
call I took feel like they NEVER, in the REST OF THEIR LIVES, would
want to dial the number they just did again. Ok, that sentence wasn’t
well structured, but that’s how fucking frustrated I am.
NOT that I ever want to hear from any of them again either. I don’t
know, perhaps it’s the times, but I’ve never felt so small in my life.
I would be interested to see my superiors analyze the quality of the
CALLERs for a change, instead of me. Perhaps I have very good reasons
for delivering the kind of service that I do.
It’s very difficult to move me to tears without my say so, I learned a
long time ago, and gritted my teeth on some fairly nasty individuals
and challenges, to earn that control.
Losing my control like I did tonight makes me feel like a failure.
Just when I thought I had it… I mean… fuck… if I can’t handle
being a CSR in a call centre…. and I sure as fuck am not going to
hold down a job losing my mind on callers.
I know I don’t belong there, and I’m pretty sure the place does
too…just a matter of who knifes who first I suppose… and another
night like tonite and I may just pull a little sumfin sumfin outta my
own hilt…
On my way home, as I crossed the street, a van turned on my light and
stopped just in front of me in the middle of the lane. I stopped dead,
so did he, and I yelled at him as I pointed to the light “THAT’S *MY*
FUCKING LIGHT!”.
I guarantee he won’t be turning without looking first again.
What the fuck does a girl have to do to get some bloody respect around here?
*****
On a positive note, cause you know, we’re not all about bitching, I’m
heading out to the Schwaltz fundraiser tomorrow, and I hope you are
too. It’s gonna be fun, and I need to get out …….