It’s been some time since I quoted Interpol…
“Time is like a broken watch
I make money like Fred Astaire
I see that you’ve come to resist me
I’m a pitbull in time
the pretense is not what restricts me
it’s the circles inside
the anatomy of kisses and a teacher who tries
Who knows how we’ll disappear
Would you like to be my missus and in future with child
You know we can get back from here…
we CAN get away…”
*****
Kevin pointed out to me that someone in particular’s pet name for me
might be a reference to this…ha…. do you think someone could know
me that well? I’ve chanted this spell more times than I can count,
over and over again to myself, trying to convince myself that I mean
it. The beauty of well written material is that it is so perfectly
vague as to be meaningless…. but it is the raw truth of our
intentions. The anatomy of kisses indeed.
Did I say too much? Need I say more?
I frequently say too much. But that’s who I am. I say things others
don’t/won’t/can’t, because I have the unique advantage of being
unfettered.
I’ve come to realize over the course of my journey that I am quite
fettered… It IS the pretense that restricts me… Mine, yours, our
collective ones… shedding the pretense is a long and drawn out
process. I’m mired in some interesting trappings these days, but
oddly, I feel quite unfettered.
For the first time in a long time I am in touch with that part of
myself that is bigger… than the girl who spends her day slaving over
a family of 6, writing anyone who will listen who can teach me what I
need to know to advance our cause, scavenging between the sheets of
union for the resources we need to survive. (I learned long ago that
you get nowhere with the circles inside begging at the table)
Bigger than the silly girl who every once in a while puts on a scanty
costumes and roams the streets of Oshawa (and Toronto let’s not
forget!) chasing ghosts… starting fires…
I saw my mother when I closed my eyes to sleep last night. I saw her
like she was right there in front of me, I could have reached out and
touched her. I felt so wonderfully full, like she hadn’t left at all,
even though I was full of the knowledge that she no longer is here.
But she is… HERE. I saw her. I am full of THAT knowledge too.
“Baby don’t you try to find me…. Lady there is no need to fight…
baby don’t you try to find me… baby it will be alright…. we sail
today…”
Tears DO drown in the wake of delight.
And I’ll stop here before I say too much… but ya. There is no one
without the other, and we can get back from here… no matter where
that is.
You’ll never receive a better tip in your life.