Very tired. It’s 5:43 AM, I’ve been up since 2, have to work outside
the house today (no nap for me!), and in all likelyhood, nothing will
get done in my absence.
It’s hard to overcome ones experience in order to have hope. I’ve been
this tired enough times in my life to know that I will get through the
day, although I will collapse crying at the end of it. My system
doesn’t function well under pressures of the sleep deprivation kind.
And the funny part is, I’m up because I’m mad. Now, my choice to be
mad or not, but try as I might, I just can’t unmad myself. Normally, I
will throw a fit till I’m exhausted, and let all that anger out, and I
can get some peace of mind. Odd how other people can sleep so soundly
when their entire worlds are askew.
As much as we’d like to delude ourselves that all is well with the
world, clearly, all isn’t. I know I’m not… I’m trying desperately to
be, although the fight to do it all myself is killing me. Ha…
fairytales people used to tell me… about knights in shining yada
yada… all we have now are pussies crawling the streets who are
happier to live destitute, than stand up and be counted… for what
they’re worth. No wonder they can’t find work.
1: lacking something needed or desirable
2: lacking possessions and resources ; especially : suffering extreme poverty
A sense of pride. A sense of honor. A sense that the right thing has
been done… a sense that a good day’s work has been put in. How many
of us can really claim these things?
You’d think destitute meant lacking in the material sense first… as
if the material can make up for what is really needed…. or
desirable.
I am not destitute, though I am lacking.
For I possess the will to fulfill my needs, and love myself enough to
strive for all that I desire.