Needless to say I didn’t get much done this week… after last week’s
fiasco, and then my monthlies arriving, I’m a dead little duckie
indeed… although it’s given me time to take stock of what’s
happened… takes some time to sort through the rubble of your ruined
life to find what’s left for you to work with…
I did get a whole bunch of laundry done yesterday, laundry for 6 is no
menial task I tell you, thank god for daddy’s with industrial size
washing machines :). And besides, my mom always said it would come out
in the wash… it’s the ONLY reason I do laundry.
I’ve spent the last 24 here in my parents house, alone with Justin and
Emma… The plan was laundry and drumming (finally). I’ve not been
behind a kit since my last lesson and that was way back in April or
something…
So Justin decided to play me a little warm up solo yesterday…in
preparation for us jamming…he then proudly sat back on his throne
and asked me if I was impressed. I just sat there smiling and asked
him what he thought I was thinking… he thought I was unimpressed.
What I was was intimidated. We didn’t get much jamming done… we all
know how I react when I’m intimidated…
Cause he’s so bloody awesome …and that’s a high mark to hit… but I
somehow seem to have forgotten that I’ve already hit the mark, I no
longer need to try.
Hence my loverly jam with Doug this week, we make nice noise he and I :)
I just need to keep doing it over and over again…
*****
Can’t spend time at mom’s without thinking of her…
I was walking in the garden this morning… missing her…
I sat in her iron chair…and she said…if you stop missing me…I’m here…
So I stood up, and we walked… barefoot in the grass…
I walked around the garden… took in her work… the statues…
The flowers…
Stopped…
Stooped…
One purple lily…still in bloom… on a branch of spent petals…
I sat there observing this lily trying to figure out what she was
trying to tell me. I noticed that the lily looks really delicate, but
that it went through Natures harsh elements, and still looks fresh and
beautiful this morning, without a scratch or tear on her petals (even
though some others are shriveled on the stem).
It occurs to me now that I can’t see her for what she is (has become)
until I let go of what she was….
And that She can still take care of me in the most important ways
possible if I let her…
And so can Lily :)
So I won’t miss them anymore… I’ll just love them, everyday, even
though it hurts.