Ok, so what did I do today…
Applied for a bunch of jobs, of varying kinds…lol…some artistic,
and some well.. … corporate…
Would have gone into work, except the shit work I secured myself for
saturday ended up flying the coop. Oh well, maybe I’m not meant for
shit work. HA!
Oh, but the first thing I did was hang with a friend in the morning.
Two reasons for this, and I’ll be real honest with y’all..
For one, I love her. She is a mentor of mine, and was in need of my
presence, and I came at her beck (she don’t have to call).
What kind of *treat*ment, you might ask, does this woman give me that
I jump at her very command?
Weed. hahaha… simply put… weed.
I don’t care how high the fence is, if there’s weed on the other side
(and I’ve been jonesing since Friday) there is no length I don’t go to
to get my dose (well, some lengths I won’t go to, but then I just move
the damned mountains).
*****
Men are mountains indeed, and getting in to see Bob on Thursday is
proving to be a monumentous one. I allowed myself to look forward to
it today, and even fantasized about it (not that way you pervs… if I
ever did have his babies at this point it’d have to be by in-vitro
anyways, not very romantic…. hahaha… it’s not the man.. it’s his
DNA I’m after *maniacal laugh*)
All kidding aside, I’ve come to realize that I haven’t fantasized
about, or looked forward to much in the last few years. I’m quite numb
to alot of experiences now, and it wasn’t until this afternoon, when I
allowed myself to imagine seeing The Cure on Thursday, and I actually
started to feel a little excited, that I understood why.
I’m afraid I’ll get hurt.
You see… I am capable of building things in my mind so solidly, that
they actually feel real to me, and come true. The last time I pulled
that trick was when we first launched Anterockstar, and I pulled a
trip to Los Angeles outta my sorry ass in a matter of 3 days. That was
a helluva trip.
Trip indeed, I made a mistake somewhere along the way, and all that I
envisioned then, and still firmly believe in now, has not come to
pass. I fell on my face.
Heart of glass indeed…
I’m about ready to stomp my feet over it, or rather, I’m just done
fighting it. I’m going to have to accept that I’m going to get hurt,
there is no avoiding it, but goddam, if my dad wasn’t right when he
used to tell me that anticipation is most of the enjoyment of
anything… cause it plays out in your head exactly the way you want.
And I could use some enjoyment so…
I’m going to spend the next few days watching as much live Cure as I
can (I’ve got Trilogy thank GOD), building up as much excitement for
the concert as I can… heck, I might even pick out an outfit, and
check the train times…. there’s always tickets at the door.