I am so bloody tired of the constant frustration that is my fucking
life I wanna die already.
All I want is to listen to some music, actually, just wanted one
track, something I could let lull me into a nice place so I could get
something productive written for a change, instead of the constant why
am I here drivle (sp?) that seems to flow constantly from my brain…
I smoke a joint, and decide, I’m going to sit down a write something
nice. I sit down at the computer thinking, I’ll put on youtube… I
have earphones again (we have a terrible problem in this house with
any sound propagating device of any kind)… a little “More than this”
by The Cure, and voila, wonderful headspace where I can express myself
in my default fashion (in writing… don’t need backup when you’re
writing).
Sit down at the computer, and there’s some other motherfucker trying
to start an argument with me (I swear, if someone questions my
judgement again on things I know I’m the master of…). Put an end to
that… breathe. Get up youtube, get my video, plug in the
earphones… nothing. The jacks on all our shit are wearing quite
thin… So I get the damned piece of shit MP3 player, and I still
can’t get music in my ears….
The only way I’ve found to shut off this constant fucking interferance
in my head is to drown it out with other voices. The only way I’ve
found to drown out the other voices is to smoke dope.
I can’t believe I’m getting vertigo from inertia….
And it’s frightening to think that I’ve said all that aloud just now.
And Kevin just fixed my music issue. :)
The name of the picture is “crook” The man in the picture is a
thief… *giggles*