I can’t even begin to describe this evening.
I have been looking forward to this evening since I found out about it, but more than that, I have been constructing it… for quite some time.
This evening marked the first www.durhamrock.com gathering. This community has quite a history … mine started last January or therabouts… so not quite a year.
There’s a band of characters on this site, some of whom I’ve met in person, others not. The ones I have engaged, online under our guises, or in person eye to eye, I have engaged wholly.
*****
I appreciated so much of this evening it’s hard to digest. I’ve had intimate discourse with people who’s names I still don’t know, but who’s characters I am so familar with they make up my every day.
I get up in the morning and I check two sites. My gmail for industry news, and durhamrock. On durhamrock I go looking for responses to topics or questions I’ve posed, or to see who’s gotten drunk yet again last night and drank a litre of Swiss Chalet sauce. Funny how Seger will start a thread about that, but won’t read a thread about the organization that is mandated to advocate, protect, and enforce his rights as a musician, but I digress….
We gathered at Chicago’s, had some brews, ate some wings, shot some shit (and shot some shit), and got an opportunity to meet each other outside our “public” personae. Even at shows, we’re all wearing our game faces. Even the crowd wear a game face at shows.
Tonite wasn’t anything like a show, and goddamned was it fun. I mean, shows are fun, they’re the shit, but the chance to be just friends with people and hang out was awesome. I am always working, I noted to many people tonite that I don’t remember a thing of what I tape. When I video, my brain is not engaged in remembering…. that’s what the camera is for, so I don’t get to appreciate the shows while that button is pressed……
That’s large pieces of my life missing, and large connections just not connected.
“never guessed it got this good, wondered if it ever would, really didn’t think it could, do it again I know we should” – Mint Car – The Cure
I made a whole bunch of connections tonite, of the kind that remind you of who you are, and best of all WHY.
I renewed connections with friends I’d spent lots of tape time with, but not enough face time with. I said things I’d always wanted to say, I heard things I’d always wanted to hear, and really felt like I belonged, and had earned my place somewhere.
This week once again has seen me on an up and down, but I realize now that this is the flow of my life, and have managed to keep astride for a change…. and I feel like the shore is not so far off, cause some days are starting to feel like a day at the beach.
But back to my boys.
I’ve been documenting the music scene in Oshawa Ontario for going on three years. Tonite, in communing with my brethren (and sistren, but I don’t know that that’s a word), I felt a sense of wholeness I hadn’t felt before. Maybe that’s because I’ve been observing all this time.
It felt good to be introduced to the god of bananas, to be asked to film, as opposed to having to push my way in and steal footage…. I felt less like an intruder, and more like a welcome guest.
And lo don’t I come home and find Hell has decided to break loose.
Hell was my welcome wagon on Durhamrock.
I was most apprehensive about attending tonight, cause I haven’t socialized in Hell’s circle since he kicked me out of it way back when Glen Bensley died in September.
I tried to attend a show once after our falling out, but walked past when I saw him on the sidewalk… not strong enough to endure him.
And tonite he came to me to remind me that boys don’t cry.
Considering the hell… Doug and I have been through… I have to say I am honored that we have made it to this point, both of us. He and I have fed each other more humble pie than many married couples…
and he’s just given me a life size poster of Robert Smith. CLASSIC Smith.
I will have him sign the back of it to me… I will make him write out his name, and dedicate it to me.
And then I will stalk Robert again…. till he acquieses… and I’ll have him sign the front of it.
And then I’ll frame it.
I’m upset that I unrolled it cause it’s a little taggered around the edges. It’s been around the block a few times. Getting it rolled back up again was a delicate task… it kept wanting to tear.
But I got it rolled back up again, and it’s going into a tube as soon as Doug signs it, and then when Robert signs it it’s going into a frame.
And then I’ll hang it on my wall, cause it’ll be done.